#a way contradictory to how *you* are

[sweetberry-roebuck]

There's something to be said about Mouthwashing's weaponization of the video game medium. The game is very easily comparable to a movie, between its runtime and cinematic framing and focus on narrative, but the fact that it is a video game, that we play as Jimmy for much of it and take on his actions ourselves, is I think really effective in its usage.

You are the one given the all caps RESPONSIBILITY, the disproportionate power of the captain, and you are the one failing miserably to use it well. You have to scan the codes, you have to give Curly his medicine, the first action you're presented with is to turn the ship in the wrong direction. No other option available. The experience it gives you of realizing again and again that you, that Jimmy, is not doing the most sensible thing, that he's being stupid and cruel and spiteful, is really effective in forcing you to contend with the excellently written character study on a personal level.

Waking up in the middle of the night and hearing Curly groaning in pain, and then going to bother Anya about giving Curly his meds only for Jimmy to INSIST on doing it himself, I thought to myself "c'mon man why wouldn't you just give him the meds to begin with," only to realize over the rest of the game exactly why he didn't do that. By putting the player in the role of this character, carrying out his actions step by step without choice in the matter, the irrationality of his decisions is made personally exasperating. You notice the patterns.

[iconicname]

Me: just trying to read jason todd centric angst fic in peace

Tim drake 95% of the time: what if I made everything about meeeee I'm such a uwu abused neglected baby genius boy 🥺🥺who could do no wrong! See how I flinch and panic when Jason looks in my way!! Even though I'm supposed to be such a smart and tough badass robin worthy of my title unlike that stupid idiot 2nd robin who got himself killed and everything that ever happened to him was his fault because he beat me up one time and he disagreess with the almighty batman! :((((( I'm so terrified of him, but I'll forgive him, im so brave to face my "abuser." I'm such a good person who puts the mission first and emotion second, and B-b-b-because jason was my robin!! How could my inspiration betray me like this? im so insecure about my position as robin! I keep invading Jason's boundaries because I'm soooo smart! And that stupid idiot jason doesn't know. This is just how Bruce and I show love aren't such a good person with no flaws whatsoever? I may be born rich, but I'm the perfect philanthropist who has no internal biases against poor people and know the ins and outs of how to handle crime alley! I may even teach Jason something! Any good that ever happens to Jason is because of my interference , he should be forever grateful for having a brother like me and also forever guilty for beating me up one timeee, let's ignore the fact I fought back just as much and was conically still standing by the end. Jason should feel sooo guilty for existing in my presence that he feels obligated to cater to my emotional needs like a parent even though he's only three years older..I'll even guilt trip jason into taking care of Bruce's emotional needs because he's soooo sad and repressed his emotions! Even though Bruce and I never had a day in our lives where our needs were unable to be met and we never had a lack of support systems and jason spent spent his who childhood taking care of adults who should have been taking care of him. But I'm just so small and frail! I need taking care of and Bruce neglects me for that evil 9 year old, look at these brittle thin bones I'm so unhealthy and don't know how to take care of myself I need jason to do it even though I'm medically fit enough to be a vigilante and had enough support growing up to have access to good medical care and consistent nutrition. Oh, but i just don't know how to care for myself. I'm such a genius, but i can't figure out basic math like getting no sleep, and relying on coffee will lead to burnouts. I just want to keep going because I'm so loyal and noble. I can't waste a moment of time to save people! :))) look at all of these cutesy quirks I have no character development needed in fact all of my perceived character "flaws" are positive flaws or flaws that only negatively affect my uwu sad boy self rather than other characters or the plot!

[lord-squiggletits]

I'm not completely opposed to making Pharma a weird guy in general pre-Messatine, the main issue I have with it is that a lot of that type of fandom is less "what if he was just a weird little guy" and more seems to be written with the implication that Pharma went crazy because he was just always a little crazy (or a little evil, or a little heartless, etc). Basically, to me it downplays the fact that Pharma underwent massive trauma for two years straight that other characters barely survived for a few hours/days and instead frames Pharma snapping as some sort of... I don't know, genetic/fated downfall because he was just weird, he was always off, is it really any wonder Pharma ended up Like That because I mean there was always something a little weird about him.

It just seems to accidentally imply that Pharma snapping under the pressure of years of torture was some sort of moral failing or sign of him being weak/immoral. You know, Pharma was always kind of a little creepy/insane/evil deep down which is obviously why he killed people. If he were just a normal, not-weird, good person then he would've been mentally strong enough to Not Go Insane. Like uhhhh it just seems kind of fucked up to imply that the reason some people are unable to cope with long-term trauma and have violent/unhealthy coping behaviors is because there's just something innately wrong with them, and then try and look back on their whole life trying to contextualize how they were actually unstable and evil all along instead of just accepting that like. Normal people (tm), yes normal and good people, can be put in situations where they're slowly turned into broken monsters because they had no escape and no good choices.

And also it's equally fucked up to imply that like. Whether or not you can deal with psychological torture without snapping is some sort of function of how innately moral or mentally strong you are. Incredibly victim-blamey to basically go "well the reason Pharma went insane is because he was just always cracked in the head, unlike our good buddy-pal-friend-hero Ratchet who's the perfect doctor and a good Autobot who's never done anything wrong which is why when he's an asshole/hurts people he's not nearly as destructive or Weird About It."

It's not that "Pharma was always kind of crazy" can't be done, because anything can be written well with enough thought. But I think in terms of writing, it's a very difficult and nuanced line to balance and most people literally just can't do it without implying that trauma victims/mentally ill people are evil or something. And Pharma is already unfairly villainized enough as-is, and in canon his trauma was already downplayed in favor of "haha crazy doctor chainsaw go brrr look how weird and quirky and craaaazyyy he is." So it's one of those things where 1. Most people just aren't good enough to write it and 2. "Always a little crazy" Pharma is already oversaturated enough in the fandom anyways and it's enough of a battle to get people to recognize that he's a tragic character and not just an evil asshole.

[stiffyck]

people hating a character because they very clearly misunderstand them is forever going to make me so mad

[devilsainz]

i know following me here is crazy cause one second i'm hating charles then in the next post i'm writing a thesis on how him and carlos are a cute and compelling couple and associating songs with them™

[brick-van-dyke]

If there's one thing I've respectively noticed from Zionists and defenders of Israeli war crimes, it's that every source, argument and potential avenue to explore each explanation is riddled with cherry picking, moving the goalposts and mental gymnastics to explain why their conclusions, which typically are barely even related to the sources they use, somehow overshadow literal reality and what we see with our own eyes.

While scrolling, one example I came across was the repetitive misrepresentation of BLM, antifa and quotes from Martin Luther King Jr, as well as statistics, scholarly journal articles and government website information. These are all good sources, yet every single time they're mangled completely until the only possible "interpretation" of any of them is "well Israel is right to defend itself after shorting rockets beforehand because the retaliation was brutal and all Arabs are bad by default therefore". As if any of these sources are even about individual exceptions of Israel versus hatred towards Arabs.

I think what I find most absurd, as someone in the middle of their own studies, is how every bit of critical thinking and logic goes out the window as they do every single thing possible to do what professors worldwide say NOT to do when evaluating sources. It's like watching a race to see who can tangle and misconstrue scientific information to fit their world view the fastest. Then said people say "um actually I studied at university before so it's actually not wrong that I'm doing this exact this everyone is warned not to do because I have a permit". Ignorance I can forgive, but willful and arrogant manipulation? That's another thing entirely.

[axolotlclown]

Well, I was hoping enough time had passed, but I guess Dream is still having his episode. There doesn't really seem to be a good time. I have something to say, though.

EDIT: I did not clarify something in this post that needs to be clarified. Dream is being irresponsible by not seeking help. However, anyone would be resistant to seek help for this because of social stigma. The notes on this post are proving my point. Every behavior has a cause. Abuse is a circle that takes effort to break. That is the point of this post. No one is "just a bad person." That mentality literally kills people.

I maintain the belief that Dream has Narcissist Personality Disorder. Beneath the cut is the diagnostic outline from the DSM-5 so that you can draw your own conclusions. To be clear, I am not yet a licensed psychologist, so this is just my opinion.

Dream seems to be declining help, or he is under the belief that he does not need help. Personality disorders can be debilitating; they affect your relationships, work ethic, and ability to cope with basic life stressors. He needs to see a cognitive-behavioral therapist so that he can begin to learn coping strategies.

Moreso, however, I wanted to talk about self-diagnosis. I do not believe that Dream has autism. I can make a separate post with the Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis if people are interested. (I do have a physical copy of the DSM-5 because I need it for school, but the full PDF is also available online if you're interested in looking through it.) I do not believe that Dream was professionally diagnosed. This is because psychologists no longer diagnose autism based on how much your symptoms align with the definition, but rather how much support you need in your everyday life. For example, I would never personally diagnose somebody with ASD unless they were seeking work or school accommodations.

Diagnosing yourself can be challenging if you do not have a broad understanding of other disorders. Just because you struggle to socialize with others does not mean you have autism. There are a myriad of other disorders it could be, and the correct diagnosis is crucial. This also goes for diagnoses such as depression or anxiety, as they could be symptoms of something else.

Another thing I want to point out is that Dream last saw a psychiatrist to be diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 12—if I remember correctly. However, our brains are constantly developing throughout life. Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be accurately diagnosed in teenagers. (Is this teenager a narcissist or are they just experiencing personal fable, something completely normal and expected at this age?) I point this out because it's important for everyone with a brain to understand that you can progressively develop a mental illness without even realizing it. You don't particularly notice that you have a personality disorder—or most disorders that aren't depression or anxiety. Bipolar Disorder on average develops around the age of 16. Schizophrenia develops on average around the ages of 18-25. (Childhood Schizophrenia does exist, however it is so rare that it has really only been observed in case studies.)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not a diagnosis you can medicate—or any personality disorder, at that. One would need to take several years to learn coping strategies that may involve things as simple as app timers to as complex as perspective-taking strategies. However, this is one of the more difficult personality disorders to cope with, and certainly not one you would want to manage alone. Dream sincerely needs help.

Even if Dream does get help, it is important to know that the people he has hurt have no obligation to come back into his life, nor do they have an obligation to help him when they do not have any education or training in the field. I need those you have someone in their lives who may be struggling with this diagnosis to understand that. You do not owe anyone anything. You are not responsible for anyone, because you lack the training and education to do it. I am spending 10 years of my life in college right now trying to learn how to help these people. Please understand that it is okay to step away without guilt.

Anyway, I said my piece. Please stop calling people narcissists like it's a slur. There are real people that have this disorder that are trying to cope and maintain healthy relationships. It is possible. These people are not doomed. However, it is heartbreaking to watch someone who clearly needs help and guidance but refuses to seek it.

As promised, here is the diagnostic outline for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

[storywestistrash]

i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans

[coriander-candlesticks]

I'm sick so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I've been thinking about the nature of myths recently as I've been exploring hellenic polytheism.

For context: I'm ex-Mormon. I was raised in the church and, because of that, was taught biblical literalism but in, like, a more subtle way than most? I was raised believing that Adam & Eve and Noah's Ark, etc., were literally true, but that the story of Job specifically was not; I also always knew evolution and the Big Bang to be correct, despite there being a verse in the Doctrine & Covenants (a Mormon-specific religious book) where God apparently told Joseph Smith that the world is 6,000 years old- a passage I didn't know existed until my senior year of high school. I didn't realize I had believed in biblical literalism until I'd left the church, actually.

Now that I'm aware of it, it's a mindset I'm actively trying to combat while I explore Hellenic polytheism. It's definitely been a task to separate the nature of the Gods from their myths, as brutal as they often are. And it's something I've noticed within the community, too, which I think is interesting. It makes sense: Christianity, at least, has had a chokehold on much of the world for a long time, and so many of us have experienced literalism as our first interaction with any sort of holy text (though, of course, Greek myths as a whole aren't that) alongside our first experience with divinity as a wrathful God whose flaws are waved away, or ignored, or twisted into positive attributes. This also means that I'm trying to re-approach several deities with an open mind (Zeus, Hera, and Ares in particular, but many of them to some extent) while also trying to un-condition myself. I was already in the process of doing this, of course, but trying to figure out how to interact with a completely different pantheon has made that especially clear.

It extends to things like prayer and offerings, too. Prayers were very formulaic growing up, even though most of the time there wasn't a strict script to follow. There was always something you ask as part of the prayer, even if it's just 'please help me do better tomorrow' (alongside giving thanks, of course), so trying to craft a prayer without adding *everything* I'm used to including in makes it feel incomplete and, therefore, disrespectful. And daily prayer is something I'm resistant to because of prior experiences with it. I don't want to offend any of the gods by asking for something or asking for too much, especially so early on, and there's always a promised offering the few times I *have* asked. Add worries about exact obedience on top of that and it's proving to be a difficult thing to untangle. And I know that the gods are difficult to offend, figuring out how to do this takes trial & error and that's okay, it'll get better the more I do it, etc., etc.; this is more an issue with my own overthinking than anything else (hooray for ✨ mental health issues ✨). I'm not really asking for advice here, necessarily, just thinking out loud because I'm not comfortable talking to people in meat space about it yet.

[yellowocaballero]

You played the golden deer route!! (I think?) What's been your thoughts so far just like in general but also in comparison to blue lions? Claude and the golden deer are just so fun!!

I have not finished yet! Yes I am like 5/6ths done with the Golden Deer fic. I did something that I really shouldn't do, which is like consume 1/4th of the media and go "okay I could make a fanfic out of this" and then write a long-ass fic just based off initial impressions (this is how Theater of the Absurd happened - if you're wondering why everybody was so drastically out of character, that's why). I'm still only mostly done with the Academy phase, so no spoilers!

Thoughts so far? Claude is so funny. I am genuinely so, so fascinated by him. He's one of those characters who clearly has an entire existence and situation and insanity and you're just barely privy to the surface of it. Our C support is me walking into his room (why did I do that?) as he concocts poisons. He's a mad scientist. He wants to dissect his friends like they're insects. He's incredibly self-absorbed. He's convinced he's the smartest person in the room. He's on his gap year and he's taking a vacation with the white people and the country he leads is not his biggest priority. He wakes up in the morning, looks at himself in the mirror, and says "I'm a SCHEMER I'm a TRICKSTER I'm IMPENETRABLE I'm NOT LONELY". He has a biracial narrative and it's left him with a superiority complex because the alternative is to always be inferior. He'd be a better leader if he cared more.

I love Hilda also. She's so cunning but so kind, and her competence is underlined by her severe self-esteem issues. I haven't really connected with most of the Golden Deer - their ensemble narrative is not NEARLY as strong as the Blue Lions or Ashen Wolves. They aren't all part of the same story, I feel like. I'm still working on their supports (which are mostly C and some B right now...I kinda substituted most of them on the battlefield for the AW...sorry I have faves). Most of them are either a little annoying or uninteresting...Lysithea baby girl...Lorenz is actually deeply Felix coded in that he's kinda the sanest. He cares about all of the actually important things that nobody else cares about when they really should, and a lot of unimportant things,

I didn't expect this to happen, but Claude as your BFF actually deeply underscores how 1) Dimitri is insanely in love with you, and 2) Dimitri's bugfuck. Claude's so normal about everything. Makes me go "Wow Dimitri was normal about fucking nothing".

I'm looking forward to the War Phase and seeing how things change. These kids are fucking disasters in their lives and to each other, which mirrors their disaster country. Right now Claude's the most fascinating aspect to me. I'm not plugged into the fandom, but from what I can see his complexity and depth is kind of slept on - he has a comic relief role in dynamics, but I can already tell it's pretty constructed. Writing him as a jokester is like writing Dimitri as a preppy, perfect, adorably awkward nerd. Yes, that is a major part of how they present themselves to the public. I can't entirely call it a lie. But if you think that those performances are genuine, then you're buying what they're selling. Claude, Dimitri, and Edelgard are liars, and if you stay surface level in your depiction you're scrubbing out what makes them good characters. Also, especially in Dima's case, The Point

[elftwink]

have to work on a project today and an unrelated thing happened that just made me so so so so so mad (just some irl personal stuff), which normally derails my entire day because i find it so hard to come out of the angry/upset state and tend to just circle back and obsess over whatever triggered it but! today after 20 minutes of that i had a council meeting about it (<- what i call my decision making process) the outcome of which was putting it aside (!!!) for later when i could actually talk about it and resolve it (!!!) & in the meantime we could just do other stuff.

local man exuberant and jubilated to achieve feats of basic emotional self-regulation and was seen excitedly telling reporters he "never thought this day would come" and began giving a thank you speech to nobody in particular. more on this story as it develops

[tatatatatara]

Me seeing posts that say Kaneki is kind: well yes but actually no

[good-beanswrites]

A drabble for Honesty with Yuno and Muu for @amugoffandoms! Thank you for the request -- not only was I really inspired by the concept, but writing this FINALLY made everything click in my brain about Muu's character. As Yuno is making realizations about her, so am I lmao 😂

Yuno was good at breaking people down. Given a bit of time, she could pick them apart -- what they wanted, what made them tick, what was going on behind the scenes. There were many methods to get them to give in and open up to her. Milgram had given her a challenge, though. Try as she might, she could not break Muu Kusunoki. And boy, did she try. 

As soon as they met, Yuno could see her for what she was. The two were the same, she thought with a bit of satisfaction. Yuno saw a bit of herself every time Muu read the room and responded accordingly, nudging people in a certain direction to get what she wanted. 

She tried everything in her power to connect. After all,  they were just two actresses trying to make it through this ordeal. But Muu never seemed to reciprocate. She delved into personal secrets in the hopes of seeing the other unmasked as well. She offered attention and praise. She grew chatty. She shut up and listened. She became more forceful, asking questions about her crime. Each time, Muu was far more focused on Haruka than anything else. There was something going on, and Yuno would get to the bottom of it.

Yuno knew there was only one option left to try. She’d always hated the honest route, though.

The pair had just seen Haruka off with sweet smiles. They had a quick moment to themselves in the dining hall. Yuno rested her cheek on her palm.

“Why do you do that?”

Muu took a sip of her drink, avoiding her eyes. “Do what?”

“String Haruka along like that.”

“He’s Muu’s friend. Of course we hang out.”

“He won't do anything for you in the long run. He can't.”

“Do anything…?” She giggled sweetly, knowing exactly how to angle her head to appear oblivious. “Isn’t being my friend enough?”

Yuno sat up straight. She was tired lying in circles around each other.

“Come on. Just be honest with me. What are you trying to gain in all this?”

Her face scrunched in confusion. “I told you, I want a friend. Someone who likes me and treats me well. Haruka gives Muu lots of attention. He tells me I’m pretty, and nice.” She smirked, but it was the kind of smile that showed she knew she was pretty and nice. “And I like him, too! He’s cute. Like a sad little puppy, you know? I’m less lonely with him.”

At that moment Yuno was hit with a sudden and painful realization. It was a rare occasion in which she had been wrong about someone: unlike her, Muu was an honest girl. 

All of their past conversations made sense, now. Muu never lied, she just stayed quiet. She didn't twist any truths, she just offered different ones. She may have been giving others exactly what they wanted, but she never had to fake parts of herself to do so.

Muu squinted at her. “Don’t you have friends that are just… well… friends?” Yuno’s gaping expression must have gone unnoticed, because she simply laughed. “You’re funny, you know that?” 

“Mm…”

The two sat in awkward silence. Well, it was to Yuno. Muu seemed perfectly untouched as she finished her drink. 

She stood. “Muu is going to go see what the others are doing.”

“Alright, have fun,” Yuno said distantly. “It was nice talking with you.”

“Oh, was it? I thought it was kinda weird.”

A dry laugh escaped her. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

Muu made it to the doorway before Yuno blurted. “Hey.” She had one last question, and knew she’d get an honest answer. “Why did the warden forgive you? I heard it was a really tough decision for them.”

“Hmph, I still think they should have forgiven Muu very easily…” She tapped a finger to her lips, thinking cutely. It was a practiced pose of Yuno’s, but she made it look effortless. It probably was. “I guess they finally understood that what I did was to protect myself, and that I was worth it. I mean, you were forgiven too, so you understand.”

She left with a dainty wave. And that’s when Yuno was hit with a second painful realization. Another rare occasion: she was jealous.

[piningpercussionist]

I saw from a post about how many asks you have and I was wondering why not just answer one ask then use that as your daily post? (I'm pretty sure you post daily from my memory)

I'm not a writer so apologies if I sound a bit rude or oblivious. But I think you don't do that because it might get tiring to write an in-character response each day.

I'm actually an Insane Person and ideally would be posting hourly/bi-hourly, if only I ever found enough content to queue up in such a manner,,

But, basically the delays can be summed up in three parts: tired or busy (lumping these together as one problem), no idea how to respond just yet (or respond in a way that satisfies me,) or I have ideas but they're art based and take more time.

I do have some wips for some art answers saved I think, but I've got, like, a single commission remaining on my docket and I refuse to let myself do other art until it's finished (barring one sketch I did for the sake of my sanity.... I cannot stress enough how much of a fight it is to get myself to do full shading and backgrounds 💀 mistakes were made.)

Now, admittedly, it's been a minute since I took a crack at writing out some more thoughtful or lengthy responses for some of the asks I've gotten- so far as I recall, at least- but the dissatisfaction problem is Extremely Real. No joke, I've had an ask sitting in my queue for several months now because I was like "yeah this is good enough," queued it, and then just before it could post I was overcome with an Intense distaste for it. I really liked the question and thought I could do better. (And still clearly have not done better....) Writing Kim honestly comes really naturally to me, and I could never really get tired of it, but sometimes an ask throws a curveball at me in a way that I just really cannot quite wrap my head around responding to. Other times, I get asks that I just can't let myself answer in a subpar manner- either the ask itself or the implications of the answer I concoct end up mattering too much to me, so I get super in my head about finalizing the reply.

And then me being tired is just a skill issue. (I'm joking; this only applies to like the last month or so, but I actually started taking some new medications recently that have been messing with me just a little in this respect. Sometimes I get tired, and when they DO give me the pep to do things, I've admittedly been trying to direct that energy into getting my life together lol)

[rubberduckyrye]

Just 2 AM thoughts: Theory crafting is just another form of writing fanfiction, you cannot change my mind.

[odysseys-blood]

honestly i feel atp its disingenuous to act like anyone knows the lore of the game super clearly and that anyone else who tries to interpret whats going on is the most wrong person on earth like the game doesnt feel like its got 5 different people writing the story and none of them are on speaking terms